Occasionally at “Let Them Eat Cake”, I like to indulge my deep dark desire to be an entertainment correspondent for some truly respected organization like Entertainment Tonight, or perhaps Access Hollywood … Canada. You get the idea. So it is maybe unsurprising that I, to a certain extent, have treated promotion events for this year’s AMS election as if I were trolling the red carpet with Melissa and Joan Rivers. Knowing this, it is understandable that my internal monologue went wild on Tuesday night when I was confronted with what can only be described as the most dramatic change in appearance since Michael Jackson decided to swap races. By undergoing a surgery so disturbing that I fully expect it to be prominently featured on a future episode of “Nip/Tuck” – the previously beloved “Fire Hydrant” candidate has apparently been transformed into an all-too human candidate “Darren Peets”. This candidate has long been involved on campus, and has held strong views on development and planning in the previous years.  I can only imagine the uproar this dramatic change will cause with Hydrant rights groups such as FireHydrant.org .  What a tragic loss of a strong, and politically active role model for the Hydrant community. It really seems to be another sign of the negative pressures brought on by life in the spotlight. Obviously the Hydrant felt the need to conform to Hollywood’s definition of beauty. I can only imagine how it must have felt to compete against all those other young starlets, always having in the back of his little hydrant mind that he did not have the perfect, or really any semblance of a, nose, mouth, teeth, or breasts. All empathy aside, it is sad to see a public figure crumple under this entertainment industry fueled beauty myth. We can only ponder in horror as to what may come next. Will the candidate formerly known as “Hydrant” indulge in leggings? Perhaps he will sport the new iphone in a desperate attempt to stay relevant? All of us here at EATCAKE hope that this cycle of madness will stop for Darren Peets before he ends up pole-dancing with Paris Hilton, or – heaven forbid- marrying Britney Spears in Vegas as he continues his never ending struggle to meet societal norms. We, Hydrant, have our eye on you.

- S