Sarah Naiman Needs Help. I’ve been sitting on this one for a while now here at EAT CAKE but the situation has just become so dire that I cannot with good concience stay quiet. It all started when Sarah Naiman was accused of spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on the SUB renewal process. Sarah vehemently denied this to all who would listen and we at EAT CAKE though perhaps the lady doth protest too much.
      The answer my friends? SHE DOTH. SHE DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH. After a little digging I found the truth. Big Al’s House of Hot Tamale Boy Toys. A local escort service operating out of a small basement suite in kitsalano where up to 30 underfed, wannabe actors hopped up on viagara live with their obese pimp who I hear moonlights as an GSS counsellor. The truth of the matter is Yian simply misinterpreted what all that spending was for- far from going towards our new Student Union Building, Sarah has been misappropriating money to hire herself up to 15 callboys a day for good times in the executive offices. Far from just gossip, photographic evidence provided to Eat Cake proves that her “private massages” pretty much always have a happy ending.
              Sarah- KNOW THIS:  you are not alone. I understand - you have a problem, and I don’t just mean the inevitable chafing. May I suggest some AMS services? the speakeasy? student counselling? That is if your wanton lust hasn’t bankrupt them already! For shame Ms. Naiman- for shame.

-S