In a heated debate today at the SUB, Presidential candidate Mathew Naylor came under fire over the topic of endorsements. Journalists from the Uybessey pointed out that Mr.Naylor has failed to collect any endorsements from past or present AMS Execs, casting a shadow of doubt on his campaign. Mr. Naylor handled the question in a cool unflappable manner which seemed to be indicative of maturity and patience.

We here at Eat Cake know otherwise- and we cannot be silenced.

Little Known Fact: Matthew Naylor was for much of his life known as Lil Nay Nay- a name which to this day is revered on the mean streets of Calgary. He spent the majority of his life “keeping it real” while ardently investigating his lifelong passion for jazz, and popping caps in motherfuckers who crossed his path. During a brief stint in the pokey, Lil Nay Na established himself as one of the more “liberal” prison dons to have passed through those hallowed halls. This was largely due to his reputation for mercy. During the twelve months he spent behind bars Nay Nay established his “cred” by shanking a mere 18 other inmates, all members of the young conservative “crew” of Cell Block D.

In light of this knowledge, I admit to being somewhat concerned for both the future of the AMS, and more specifically that poor, uninformed Ubyssey reporter. So many questions rear their ugly heads. Will the AMS become a drug cartel dealing mainly in opiates and black market Kenny G c.ds? Will safewalk be abolished in favour of some sort of “thug walk” service which will provide protection in exchange for your wallet and your shoes if they’re expensive? And most importantly, what kind of retaliation will we see towards the Ubyssey reporter from a man who once stabbed a man to death only using the pointy end of his campaign pins?

The future is indeed uncertain- all I’m saying is if some reporter wakes up tomorrow with the severed head of the fire hydrant in his bed- this guy won’t be surprised. Because straight up holmes, don’t be fooled by the rocks that he got- he’s still- he’s still Nay Nay from the Block.

- S